Sample Coaching Exercise
Hello,
Based on our last session and your goals I have the following information and exercises for you.
There is an article about self-confidence/ self-esteem, a breif "shame" assessment, and a fun self-assessment riddle.
As always, text me with any feedback or questions and please rate this exercise on your app.
See you on our secured video chat Thursday at 6:00 p.m. CMT
My best, Rachel
Article on Self-esteem
As you can see this article relates to your goals of building self-confidence, self-awareness, and finding your purpose through identity work. I am a co-author.
Riddle Question
The undersea world holds mysteries we can barely conceive. Its seemingly endless waters remain the last great frontier on earth, luring adventurers, challenging science, and inspiring poets, artists, and the romantic at heart. The simplest explanation for this allure is that there is more to the ocean than meets the eye. Hidden beneath its featureless surface, millions upon millions of creatures -- some familiar, some fantastically strange -- live, feed, breed, and die. It is almost as if our planet contained two separate worlds, which have only just begun to discover each other.
Draw a square on a blank piece of paper. Inside the square draw picture of a coral branch. The kind you would see in the ocean or a tropical fish tank.
Now draw an octopus (or more than one) anywhere within the box.
(Riddle Key Below)
Guilt Verses Shame
Guilt is the belief "I did something wrong". Shame is the belief ,"Something is wrong with me". When we feel shame we have an overall feeling we are not good enough, must be perfect, are being judged. Please note which characteristics are at play. Shame is potentially a very important topic.
Please rate from 1-10 how intensely and how frequently you experience these traits.
Some characteristics of adults shamed in childhood:
1. Adults shamed as children are afraid of vulnerability and fear of exposure of the self.
2. Adults shamed as children may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. They don't believe they make mistakes. Instead they believe they are mistakes.
3. Adults shamed as children fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships. These adults frequently express the feeling that one foot is out of the door prepared to run.
4. Adults shamed as children may appear either grandiose and self-centered or seem selfless.
5. Adults shamed as children feel that, "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference; I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."
6. Adults shamed as children frequently feel defensive when even a minor negative feedback is given. They suffer feelings of severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
7. Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
8. Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating guilt These individuals apologize constantly. They assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.
9. Adults shamed as children feel like outsiders. They feel a pervasive sense of loneliness throughout their lives, even when surrounded with those who love and care.
10. Adults shamed as children project their beliefs about themselves onto others. They engage in mind-reading that is not in their favor, consistently feeling judged by others.
11. Adults shamed as children often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect. These feelings regarding self may lead to focus on clothing and makeup in an attempt to hide flaws in personal appearance and self.
12. Adults shamed as children often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves. This can lead to shaming others.
13. Adults shamed as children often feel controlled from the outside as well as from within. Normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
14. Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or not at all. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance anxiety and procrastination.
15. Adults shamed as children experience depression.
16. Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholis, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list-making or gambling.
17. Adults shamed as children lie to themselves and others.
18. Adults shamed as children often have caseloads rather than friendships.
19. Adults shamed as children often involve themselves in compulsive processing of past interactions and events and intellectualization as a defense against pain.
20. Adults shamed as children have little sense of emotional boundaries. They feel constantly violated by others. They frequently build false boundaries through walls, rage, pleasing or isolation.
21. Adults shamed as children are stuck in dependency or counter-dependency.
By: Jane Middleton-Moz; Shame and Guilt
Riddle Key
Carl Jung, one of the founders of psychoanalysis, observed that the octopus, with its sinister, alien appearance, slippery invertebrate form, and tentacles that stretch in all directions, is a commonly encountered symbol of stress and anxiety. Your artwork sheds some light on the level and nature of stress in your life.
The size and number of octopuses you drew reflect the importance and number of worries in your life. A single huge octopus indicates a preoccupation with a single great concern, while a number of smaller octopuses swarming everywhere is a sign that you feel overwhelmed by minor stresses and annoyances on all sides. If you drew a small, friendly-looking creature bobbing happily beneath the waves, good for you! No one said that life has to be a cold, dark abyss.
The position of the octopus in relation to the coral is also significant. If you drew a free-floating octopus, it means you believe that your stress, however great it may be, is resolvable. But if you drew the octopus clinging tightly to the coral, it shows you feel as if you're locked in a stranglehold of entanglements.